


Fourteen

by ByeByeSanity



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Introspection, POV Second Person, Sadness everywhere, Uchiha Itachi Needs a Hug, prepare to cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24190639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ByeByeSanity/pseuds/ByeByeSanity
Summary: The only choice that you have, the only choice that you ever had in all of your years of living (only fourteen), was keeping your brother alive.
Kudos: 6





	Fourteen

**Author's Note:**

> I fell into a mood that required me to write this out. I usually (actually never) write in this POV, but I had to get this out. Enjoy!

The first thing you notice is the pressure. 

It’s been buidling up even more over the past few weeks since Shisui’s death (his murder, his eyes, his body, gone, gone, gone, gone, _gone_!).

You don’t know what to do, you don’t know who to turn to. You’re being pulled in different directions (you’re heir, you’re loyal, you are a _tool_ ).

Before Shisui’s death (murdered for the sake of the village, for the sake of _peace_ ), you had someone to talk to, if not someone who was in the know of what you were going through. You weren’t alone, the entire world wasn’t on your shoulders (because you're only _fourteen_ ).

But now with Shisui gone (taken from you before you were ready), Danzo’s expectations (Hokage-sama’s _negligence_ ) has all turned to you.

Who will help you? Who will help the genius, if the genius himself did not know how to solve his problems? (but it shouldn’t be up to you to decide the life and death of your clan, you’re only _fourteen_ )

You remember reading about Hashirama and Madara’s philosophy on peace, and you want it so much that it _aches_ (but no one else seems to want little kids to live until adulthood, _no one_ )

Why should you be punished with the title of kin-slayer? Why won’t anyone help ( _you_ ).

You want to scream, cry, and run away, but you can’t. You’re held back by duty (to the clan, to the _village_ ).

But…

When they (clan members, council members, the Hokage) look at you, they don’t see your youth, instead they see a weapon (you’re only _fourteen_ ). A weapon that has no feelings and no desires of its own, but to be used for the betterment of others (but not you, _never you_ ).

That feeling in your chest, (that _pressure_ ) has always been there. There has never been a day that you haven’t felt it was hard to breath. That you haven’t laid in bed wishing that you never woke up. That you could just walk out the village and disappear like Hashirama. You don’t want to be here, you don’t want to exist (why am I alive? Why won’t I just stop _b r e a t h i n g_ ).

There’s only one thread keeping you tied to the village (to _living_ ). Your brother. Your Innocent, naive, trusting (coddled) brother.

Your brother doesn’t know how ugly the world is. He doesn’t know how quickly he would be chewed up and spat out, all on the orders of someone who could order your death ( _Shisui’s death_ ) at a moment's notice.

The only choice that you have, the only choice that you ever had in all of your years of living (only _fourteen_ ), was keeping your brother alive (but was that really a choice, or was it a way to control you). 

The Hokage promised (but can you really trust him) to take care of your brother. To protect him and make sure that he wants for nothing. To make sure that he doesn't fall into Danzo's hands, to become a tree strangled by the roots of the village (you know what happened to Torune, no clan is safe).

You know, the night that you are to help kill 186 members of your family ( _kin-slayer_ ), there would be 187 people that die that night because…

...you die as well at only fourteen years old.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never understood that amount of hate that Itachi received for following Danzo's orders. I remeber being that age and the amount of pressure that I was under. From the time I was about 9, up until I graduated high school there was this expectation that was placed on me to be the best, to be better. I was not expected to be a child, nor act like one. I could image the amount of pressure and self-hate that would come with being expected to be the best shinobi, to be the perfect heir, to have no feelings, no emotions, beyond what is required of you. Then to have to sacrifice everything that you are to murder your family members.
> 
> I think (rather I know) Itachi suffered under the prodigal child label that he could not escape from, and that same label forced him into a position that no child should be expected to make.
> 
> Of course I cried a little bit while writing this, because I felt that same pressure in my chest that made me breakdown about three times during high school (one of which was during the middle of Spanish class). This brought back memories of a trauma that I am still dealing with today (which is not helped by me deciding to pursue college degrees), but I'm hoping that y'all will find some comfort in what I write. Take care of yourself.


End file.
